Employment Barriers and Attitudes

I wish I could have a pet. It also wish I had someone who can help look after a pet during the day when I'm at work, or take it out for a walk in the winter. I don't have the help of someone else to do these things so, because I don't have the heart to abandon a pet during the day when I am at work, or to deprive it of exercise during the winter when I can't get out, I will not get one. It would not be fair to the pet.

I am so lonely I could scream. I don't know anyone who I can pick up the phone to call and invite them out for an evening. I would love to know someone who was willing and able to go out for a bit of fun for a change - a bar where there's music (I don't have to drink), a movie (where I don't have to sit at the front where it is too close to see it), a stroll through a park, a walk in the woods, or another place where I can go to have an intellectual, stimulating, and exciting conversation. Or forget the conversation. How about a place to go where a person with a wheelchair can go to just enjoy a cup of coffee with another person, besides Tim Horton's? It would be better than sitting at home, alone, and wishing I could return to the pre-wheelchair days when I was able to do more and be a part of this life.

We used to have a few of these places. One was the Kingston Centre, the other was the Cataraqui Towne Centre. But Loblaws bought the Kingston Centre and tore it down saying they weren't willing to provide a space for seniors to walk or the disabled to meet and socialize because we weren't able to spend enough money. They instead built an open mall concept and advertised that the cars would be able to park close to the door so a person can run in to buy what they want, and then leave. They don't want people browsing in their stores anymore because it is not seen as profitable. Heck, that's how I learn about a product. I will never trust a glossy ad in print or on TV because it is framed to often look better than it truly is.

This attitude towards those with less money has sure killed my right to a life. Even if I could find a place that was wheelchair accessible for one of these social outings, I might not be able to get there on the bus. If I can, a friend from another end of the city, may not be able to get there until an hour before or after I arrive due to the once hourly evening schedule. If we are lucky, we might be able to get 2 hours together because of the limits of using public transit. It is exhausting many of my friends have chosen to stop going out. Further, they live in a place that is not wheelchair accessible, so I can’t go over to their place to their place to visit. Over time, the friendships eventually died out, and came to an end because it was too difficult to overcome barriers so we could spend time together. Now I long for a person who I can call to just chat on the phone.

Gone are the days of being able to enjoy a social outing because of all of the new barriers, so unfortunately, gone are a lot of my social skills. I drive people nuts because I am obsessed with removing the barriers that have blocked my right to a life.

If I could dream I would go paragliding, parachute jumping, up in a glider, sign up for Able Sail, or stay in a choir. But unfortunately, Able Sail is criteria based, too expensive to join, and not available in the evenings after I'm done work. When I take the new shift my employer is insisting I take, my one and only social activity, the choir, will go. This is because the manager says that outside social activities are not important even though the corporate Assurant’s health and safety teams, is encouraging a healthy balance of work and play. They even offer a discount to a non-accessible gym.

Another thing I would join is a Christian group where we could take part in a discussion about the lessons that were taught by our Creator about caring for another human being - about each of and everyone of us having a unique and special gift, and how these gifts were meant to be used in a way that would help one another. The world wasn't made for us to live alone and do it all by ourselves. We were meant to pair up, love and care for each other, and to use our gifts in a way that would help one another.

I swear if I pick up a phone and hear another, please go to www dot whatever to self-serve and do something that is not in the area of my expertise, I will scream. I would rather pay someone to use his or her unique set of skills, to save me the effort of having to waste days on end trying to do the research to figure it out by myself.

Today is a really bad day because today my boss told me I have no choice but to take the shift that they have chosen for me. They have broken the contract that was made to accommodate my disability supports outside of work hours back in March of 2008. This means, with the new shift, I will have to give up my attendant, the opportunity to shop for food before or after work on a work day (the stores will be closed by the time the transit can get me there), and the one and only social activity that was accessible AND inclusive; my choir. This means I am expected to find a way to stay sane with even more isolation and I don't know how I can do it.

For the first time in years, I just want to curl up, dig a big hole, crawl in it, and die. I don't have the guts to kill myself because I don't want to die, but I know my limitations and I know I can't do it all on my own. I am exhausted trying to find just one tiny little place where there isn't a barrier that would allow me to fit in and to be included in life. No man is an Island, but with a disability, it appears that you are expected to be one.

Yesterday I was discussing this with my doctor and he said I needed to take time off work because of the stress. He said you are not depressed so I can't refer you to a psychiatrist, but you need some help to overcome some of these barriers. He then said it is unfortunate that in Kingston, there is nothing; no support group, no volunteer group, no social agency, nothing.

I took the letter to work, gave it to my employer and, when she saw that I still look okay, she wouldn't accept it. She said that because I don't look depressed or sick, she saw it as a manipulative ploy to use my disability as a tool to get my own way. She would not pass on the letter to Shephel FGI, the agency that was hired by Assurant to assist those who have to go on long term medical leave.

I am now backed into a corner. I have two choices. To, either quit (and to be more lonely), or to give up the attendant and my one social activity, so I can keep my job. Work has made it clear I have no right to keep the shift accommodation that was promised 18 months ago because the current manager, who was not a manager when the accommodation was first made, has decided that it is unfair to accommodate me.

She said she has no help in the home so she had to make choices. Why should I be any different?

When I tried to point out the limits of transit, inaccessible stores, my apartment, and the physical limits that are caused by a situation that is beyond my control, she said that is not her problem. I can manage at work so I have to make a choice: I can choose to work, or I can choose to quit work so I can keep the outside supports that help to overcome barriers that are outside of her control.

This is the same manager who has been constantly reminding me that, as a person with a disability, I am lucky that she is even allowing me to keep my job. She says that, as a person who has no work history, I am a liability, not an asset, to the company.

Well, the performance appraisal that I was given today by my supervisor today, says the complete opposite of what she is saying. Most of my scores are average or better and the comments are even better than that…. and I am a liability? What do you do with this? I can’t get any legal advice because legal aid is so under-funded they won’t take a person who appears to be remotely capable of self-representation. Great, more burn out….

I was floating on cloud nine with this performance appraisal, until the problematic manager told me to take the new shift or quit.

So I now get to pick. Keep my job and a right to a life, or quite and challenge the discriminatory practices of the one who loves to play head games with me.

Do I have a right to be in this world? You bet your bottom dollar I do. Earlier this evening, I had no idea where to turn, but as the evening wore on, I have developed enough resolve to become more determined than ever.

Look out world.

Please read my other Blogs:
Transit: http://wheelchairdemon-transit.blogspot.com
Health: http://wheelchairdemon-health.blogspot.com

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